What this Blog is About

I am a female football fraud. By the end of the 2010 season, I plan to go from a talker to a knower and crush the game predicting competition. Why do I call myself a fraud? Click here to find out!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Football Fraud-Acupuncture News Partnership

For once, I can actually post something relevant to two of my blogs!

The New York Times (normally not a name I trust in news) reported on a colleague dubbed "the traveling NFL acupuncturist." My issues, other than jealousy, is that the article does not say where she received her training and it seems she is practicing a "if it hurts, stick it" style of acupuncture. Granted, this is essentially the premiss of dry needling and medical acupuncture, but it is bothersome how much she is raking in for performing a best-guess procedure.

I reiterate, I am jealous.

I have often wondered why reports of professional athletes receiving acupuncture were few and far between, but with hope, news like this will get some of the pro and college teams interested in incorporating it into their programs.

And now, some predictions:

This weeks winners: Eagles, Saints, Bears, Packers, Titans, Chiefs, Dolphins, Vikings, Giants, Chargers, Colts, Rams, Seahawks, Falcons, Ravens, and Patriots

It will not be 3 points that the Patriots win by against the Jets, however they will still think they are winning the super-bowl just because Rex Ryan says so and queek-by victories are still victories

In light of Drew B. winning the Sports Illustrated athlete of the year award, they will double the usual mentions of how much the city of N.O. has been through during their match-up with the Bengals (and TO will dominate this week again)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Week Four Picks

Falcons - as long as the head has come down from last week

Jets - but it would be awesome if the Bills finally won one. They came close against my now second most disliked team, coach, and quarterback in the NFL.

Bengals - I wonder if the Brown will trot out McCoy. I get they want to "save him for good" but maybe now would be a good time to wet his beak a little.

Packers - I normally do not go for a team that played the previous Monday, and the Lions look pretty good loosing. I would not take the current 11.5 spread. Rodgers is still on my top 5 least favorite quarterbacks this season. The guy is hiding something, I just know it!

Titans - I think they have it at home, otherwise I would call Broncos.

Seahawks - I love a coach who puts it on like he is a total goof-bucket while having the heart of Machiavelli.

Saints - I really hope they win this week. That city has been through so much.

Ravens - Only because I think the fix is in. Big Ben coming back to 4-0? Someone with big knuckles will make sure that doesn't happen!

Texans - I still believe, and Dallas was due last week anyway

Colts - Nothing illuminating to say here

Eagles - And the fans won't boo McNabb any more than they did when he was their quarterback.

Chargers - When in doubt, I am picking the home team.

Giants - Yes, my guys are boys this season, but they had an extra day over the Bears and home field advantage. They will pull it together.

Dolphins - Another in my shortlist of contenders

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Week 3 Predictions (updated)

Let's see how well I do picking this weeks winners:

49ers (so close, so due)

Lions (ditto)

Patriots (damn it)

Saints (I really hope they win this week. That city has been through so much.)

Giants (sentimental choice)

Buccaneers (home-field advantage)

Panthers (I believe in Clausen at least beating the spread)

Ravens (the original Browns, sort of)

Texans (on my Top 5 superbowl contenders)

Redskins (no contest)

Eagles (even I want to watch Vick)

Colts (the fire is back)

Cardinals (going with the line on this one)

Seahawks (going against the line on this one)

Dolphins (wishful thinking but still a possibility)

Bears (because I feel like it . . . and I feel compelled to moderate the fever of the Packer fans I will be sharing wings with)


Correct Pick:
Ravens (no surprise)
Patriots (rough win)
Colts (no big prize for calling this one)
Seahawks (phew)
Cardinals (close call)
Eagles (Vic - credit where credit is due)

Bad Pick:
Giants ("sigh")
Saints (I admit, I am really happy on that one - awesome game)
Lions (500 TDs - way to go BF)
Texans (also slightly happy)
Buckaneers (maybe the Steelers don't need Big Ben to come back?)
Panthers (I knew it was a long shot)
49ers (surprised they got that spanked!)
Redskins (apparently it was no contest for the Rams)
Dolphins (ugggg! Well, it was a wishful thinking pick)

7:9. Wow - that was bad!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Watching Monday Night Football . . .

. . . and WWE Monday night Raw (man things have gone downhill since they stopped 'roiding), I am hoping the presence of Jerry Rice will help a San Francisco win at home. Actually, I am hoping for the kinds of wins where no one in the playoffs last year will be in the playoffs this year! Unfortunately, I have already had several disappointments in the past 2 weeks, and some of them I am feeling really conflicted about.

Patriots/Jets: Okay, sit down, I actually wanted them to beat the Jets yesterday. Sort of. I was so conflicted. On one hand, the Jets winning would mean each lost a game, on the other, I am doubly irritated over the reaction of the sports-talk media to the reporter incident last week. Is it too much to ask that we retire the "she was asking for it" and "boys will be boys" cliches that are used as an excuse for unprofessional behavior? But I begrudgingly admit that the Jets did get some horrible calls that Ryan got repealed - he may be a bombastic pompous ass, but he does back his team. And Tom Brady's hair is stupid. What the heck happened to them after the first quarter? I was ready for 2 hours of back-and-forth domination, but it fizzled out.

Cowboys: They used the be the team I hated more than anything, but Tony Romo grew on me last season and I am a little bummed they are 0-2. Someday I will see a game in the new stadium.

Lions: So close, but no dice.

Redskins: I declared myself a fan when the Eagles traded out McNabb, and I was thrilled with their week-one win. They gave it a great go against the Texans this week, a team that I think is going to dominate.

Manning vs Manning: Another conflict. As a lifelong Giants fan, of course I was rooting for them, but I was happy Indy pulled them out of the shame of a beating last week by the Texans. I just wish they could have done it in a little less of a smackdown.

Eagles: Okay, I have mentioned more than once I feel Vick is a scumbag, but he is exciting to watch, especially since he got his legs back.

Favre: Favre.

There are a lot of potential bright-spots this weekend, and I plan on expounding on those later this week.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fantasy Draft - Mmmm, Wings

Despite my husband's insistance that I would be great at fantasy football, my doctoral studies put a crimp in adding extracirrucular activites. However, I am not able to resist a trip to BW3s, so I loaded up some reading and went with him to the neighorborhood draft party.

The look of restrained panic on the guys' faces when we walked over the the draft table was adorable. It was as if they were thinking "Oh no - she is going to ask a bunch of dumb questions and try to talk about shoes or fashion or some other wifey topic!" Sensing I would harsh their man-time-mellow, not to mention hubs was giving me that 13-year-old-with-his-mother-out-in-public look, I high tailed it over to the bar where I watched 2 college games and a Yankees matchup, was given a double order of wings "by accident" (wink from the server), finished 2 chapters of epidemiology, and had a lovely chat with the other folks at the bar.

For the record, I found this entire thing amusing - I routinely kick him out of ladies night so I figure it is fair payback if I really wanted to care. Which I don't.

The rest of preseason has been a bit of a yawn. Brett Favre is back and that is just ducky, but I just hope he actually makes it to the end of the season. Or September. Tebow was sent a clear message when Orton was given a totally unnecessary 1-year contract that he was not the number one guy, and I feel that is good to keep his ego in check and his practice strong. Revis is still holding out and I think that is awesome. The Jets cutting people to try and broker a deal with him is malicious and calculated scapegoating - I hope he calls them out on it and gets bought by cornerback-short Dallas. Chad 8-5 scored some coolness points by admitting his ear-bling is from Claires rather than have 100K shoved in his lobes - this is a guy who is keeping his money. And Big Ben gets 6 game suspension reduced to 4 as promised for "good" behavior - but with all of this time about to be on his hands, I can't help but wonder what drama is forthcoming.

T-4 days!

Monday, August 16, 2010

5 Pre-Season Positives

No, this is not about drug tests! I have been sporadically watching games and sports shows all week and am excited by many of the players I have seen.

Jimmy Clausen - I realize it is a little early to start making proclamations, but I like his swagger a lot better at Carolina than I did at Notre Dame. He seemed to have dropped what I saw as a whiny and cocky attitude and traded it in for a quietly confident presence on the field. His game face is pretty intimidating too. I do not know if he will take the QB spot from Moore, but it does have that Sanchez-Jets feel of last season. Plus, I love watching a good rain-game!

Tim Tebow - I am glad he shaved off the Friar Tuck 'do. I have now idea why I want this guy to do well. I have always disliked the Bronchos, McDanials is a chip off the ole' Belichick, and anyone who knows me knows I do not participate in evangelical worship or public displays of do-gooding. I just plain like a guy who has an honest conviction, a willingness to go with the flow, and an eagerness to change what is familiar for the betterment of self and team. Watching him is entertaining, especially since he can play rough and tumble.

Victor Cruz - Was it 3 one-handed catches? I lost count. There is something extra-special about an undraft stud working his heart out at camp for a job. If the Giants do not take this guy, they have lost their minds. I combine Cruz with the Giant's win at Meadowlands 2.0 into the same positive pre-season moment since he is largely responsible for the inaugural defeat!

Tony Dungy - Calling out Rex Ryan's bombastic, obscenity-laden, and attention-seeking behavior in Hard Knocks specifically may sound sanctimonious and hypocritical to some, but the cursing and showboating is annoying to many people in the league. Since Dungy is not coaching anymore and is an analyst, he has the freedom to speak his mind. Plus, his opinion resulted in Rex's daddy getting defensive and showing his own insecurities by insinuating Dungy is a nobody. Sunrise, sunset.

Lost Treasures of NFL Films - We stumbled across this show one night and it is an amazing 5-part documentary from 1999 about the evolution of NFL films and football from the 1960s. The footage had never been shown before because the films had been accumulating dust in a storage room for a couple of decades. They compiled other "Lost Treasure" seasons and you can find some of them on Hulu, otherwise they have this On Demand on the NFL network.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


I am sitting here watching the first episode and my love for Rex Ryan continues it's path to agenesis.

Just kidding, Rex Ryan is 1.0001th place on the list of coaches I wish would go away. Who is #1? If you have been paying attention, you should not have to ask.

I thought this show was supposed to be about the players, not Ryan eating at "Ryan Cafe" and spouting f-bombs for an hour. Watching the guys get cut at the end got me in the gut too - a shame Ryan did not look them in the eye to tell them they were being let go. I hope at the end of the 2010 season, Joe Namath remains the only Jets super bowl QB. The first game is on Monday night - GO GIANTS!

I also hope Revis holds out and gets traded to someone who will pay him what he is worth. In any other sales job, you would get a raise based on performance. All athletes are salesman. The better or more engaging they are, the more seats, merchandise, and advertising gets sold. Sure they have more risk of injury than your average Honda dealer, but the more I hear about the disparity in contracts and the way players are hung out to dry if they are injured or do poorly, the more I support yearly performance evaluations and profit sharing. More on that in a later post.

Oh, and number one is Bill "the bilker" Belichick, for those in doubt!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hall of Fame Weekend

After a week at UT Memphis and little sleep, I crashed and did not get to watch the induction in its entirety. I did catch the speeches from the men responsible for this being named the biggest talent class in FHOF history.

Jerry Rice: I like what this man had to say. Fear of failure as a driving force to success and "no negativity" can make you weak. I love how he ribbed Smith a bit durning his speech and ow good competition forces you to improve your game. Pride, respect, teamwork, striving for perfection and, as a nice adaptation from JFK's speech, caring more about what you can to for football than what football can do for you should be the point of playing - not showboating and getting attention for antics both on and off the field. Very nice. Unfortunately, the point was not taken by TO and 8-5 who ran around with the yellow jacket proclaiming yet begging for a future HOF legacy.

Emmit Smith: I don't think anyone was too surprised at Smith getting emotional right from the start. I nearly teared up when he singled out Troy Aikman and Micheal Irvin - "without you, there is no me. That is why we are called the triplets!" and then Daryl "moose" Johnson. I enjoyed his story about how he got where he is today and how he singled out all the members of his family. Especially touching was the story about living the dream of his father By sharing the same name with him, his, grandfather, and son, they were all going into the Hall of Fame. He also gave some great advice - write your goals down, be consistent, put your family first, and "claim your inner champion, never let others define you - you define yourself."

Bengals meet the Cowboys tonight!

Monday, August 2, 2010

My Top 5 Scum-bag Moves of the Off-Season

Ahh, summer camp is almost over and it is time for the pre-season to start. And it may be the last year for a pre-season of any consequence, at that. In the idyllic months since the Superbowl concluded and the college bowl games serenaded their seniors (and some juniors) to the NFL draft, let us not forget the some of the more idiotic moments from the 2010 off-season.

Seriously – now we are going to yell at reporters for NOT interpreting a direct quote. I though the big beef with media was misquoting and trying to influence the reader to think a certain way. A tweet is just a way to make you read the full story, not THE full story. Meyer was not defending his player by accusing the reporter of harassment, threatening to ban the Orlando Sentinal, and saying if it was his kid the reported has quoted it would be “on.” He was just shooting off before gathering the facts . . . I wish the reporter had said something snarky like “Are you sure you are ‘hydrated’ enough old man?” Sure it would have ended his career at the paper, but probably would have started his career as an ESPN commentator! The whole incident is nowhere near as cool as Mike “I’m a man, I’m 40” Gundy’s overreaction of a few years ago, but he gets an A for effort.

4. Chad Ochocinco transitions to celebrity whore

You go 8-5! Prepare for retirement by getting your name out to the legions of reality TV junkies who don't know what your real reality TV gig is. I admit I never watched Dancing with the Stars and the 2 episodes of his dating show that I did see makes me wonder about his eyesight. I have to give credit where it is due though, he may be a loud-mouth exhibitionist, but I hear narry a peep about drugs, guns, and baby mama drama. I suspect he has figured out just how foolish is foolish enough to get air-time while keeping out of any real trouble.

3. Ben Rothlessburger applauded for bagging a broad in the bathroom

You would think I would have put this at #1, but frankly, his little trysts are barely shocking anymore. What is surprising is that the commentators and fans still love Big Ben, and defend him as if the public has no right to expect something admirable from their well-compensated role models. Equally unsurprising was the blaming of the victim, who probably wanted to heal in private rather than be known for the rest of her life as the girl who "asked for it." How cliche. At any rate, we should know soon if this latest adventure will cost him 4 or 6 games. What we don't know yet is what the next scandal is going to be. My money is on a tubing accident.

2. Shaun Rogers violates TSA regulations

So I am not sure if I am more stupefied over "Big Baby" Rodgers bringing a handgun on board or that the TSA agents at the security check-point actually found it. Forgetting you left a weapon in one of your bags says a lot about you as a person, and none of it fills me with the warm fuzzies. However, he is currently receiving praise from Cleveland police for alerting them to an erratic driver who turned out to be intoxicated. I guess now that they have a fighting shot at a championship in the foreseeable future with Colt McCoy leading the team, the police will forgive and rejoice over almost anything (see #3).

1. Michael Vick needs a thesaurus for "sorry"

When you are young, you are supposed to learn from your mistakes. When you are in your 20's you own your mistakes. By the time you hit 30, you deserve your mistakes. So Vick has a shootout during his big 3-0 party and what mistakes has he learned from? None of them. And if 18 months in the slammer didn't give him a clue, he never will.

Honorable Mention: Anyone else feel a tug of glee when Dez Brynat sprained his ankle after his temper tantrum over carrying a veteran player's pads? Maybe now someone will put him down for that nap he needed to smooth out his fussy britches! I would like to point out, I called in during the draft. Thank you.

Scum-bag Move Anticipation: If Brett Farve actually announces his retirement (rather than reading it from an anonymous source close to the team) because the ankle is not healing properly, great. For me, he goes out on a high note. If he does the old un-retire after camp ends, then I may have to renounce my fandom. Something about this time though makes me believe he is really done.

Monday, July 26, 2010

It's Coming! It's Coming!

Football season is coming and the off-field drama has just begun!

T.O. considering finishing off his career with the Bengals, Dez Bryant already pouting and primping, 8-5 trying to balance football with his second career as a media whore, Brett Farve keeping everyone is hypo-suspense . . . . . and that does not even include all the chatter about strikes, extending the season to 18 games (Mercury Morris is probably breaking open the champagne already) and player union demands.

If the actual games are as exciting as the off-season, I may actually know what I am talking about by the start of the playoffs!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Prime Time Draft Round One: Observations, Scandal Potential, and Predictions Beyond the NFL

Ah, there is nothing like watching a sporting even while chomping on wings at BW3s - much like a casino, there is no sense of time. Thus was the setting for the first ever NFL prime time draft. In the spirit of disclosure, I admit most of the names I recognized were QBs with a few of the others that went in the Top 10. The following observations on a few of the players that stood out to me are based primarily on what I saw of them during the highlight reels, their behavior at the draft, and post-pick interviews, plus a few tidbits I have heard here and there. I also included a scandal potential meter (scale: 1-5*) since it seems to be something coaches and owners need to take into consideration with Commissioner Rodger Goodell at the helm of the NFL.

(2) Ndamukong Suh (Nebraska, now Lion's defensive tackle)
I admit, I never watched him in action during the season but heard the buzz about him for months and watched him at the Heisman ceremony. Whoa, this guy is a beast and has the potential to be a powerhouse in his first season. It is awesome he is donating $2 million to the sports program and endowing a $600K engineering scholarship to his alma matter before he gets his first NFL paycheck!
Scandal Potential: 1
Beyond the NFL: He will help bring foreign students from disadvantaged nations into the collegiate football sphere

(3) Gerald McCoy (Oklahoma, now Buccaneer's defensive lineman)
This guy has passion - crying, hugging Goodell, grinning from ear to ear - he made me feel the excitement of the draft
Scandal Potential: 1
Beyond the NFL: He will marry well, have several children, and become a preacher

(6) Russel Okung (Oklahoma State now Seahawk's offensive tackle)
Yeah - an Oklahoma State Cowboy gets in the top ten (that's for you Fred)! Best green screen dance - no contest.
Scandal Potential: 2
Beyond the NFL: Becomes a PR spokesman for an athletic company and gets into athlete management

(9) CJ Spiller (Clemson, now Bill's running back)
I like a guy who holds out to play his senior year - as they say, there is nothing like playing college ball. This kid was the most nervous before his name was called up by the Bills, despite hands-down having the best suit. He also had the best clip reel of the night and I think will be a super-stud running back. I also think he will be given a nickname that will help him be more recognizable than the other two studs, Bush and Johnson. Let's just hope he gets a QB that will help him get there.
Scandal Potential: 2 (excessive celebration and inconsequential off-field antics)
Beyond the NFL: Reality show circuit, provided it is still en vogue 10 years from now

(10) Tyson Alualu (UCLA, now Jaguar's defensive end)
The guy sharpens his nails, which must explain how he manages to hook into opponents and take them down when it should not be humanly possible. I guess his 10th place pick was unexpected, but other than drawing some blood and probably being responsible for a few concussions, he will probably pan out well.
Scandal Potential: 2
Beyond the NFL: Retires to Hawaii after 5ish years then disappears from public view

(13) Brandon Graham (Michigan, now Eagles, defensive end)
Tied with Alualu for who will injure the most opponents. Best smile of anyone in the draft and I loved how grateful and excited he sounded in his post-pick interview. I really want to root for this guy, but I am still hacked off at the Eagles for McNabb.
Scandal Potential: 3 (just a hunch he may fall into a bad crowd)
Beyond the NFL: Commentator

(14) Earl Thomas (Texas, now Seahawk's safety)
When they called his name, his family was ecstatic. He looked like he was getting ready for 2 fillings and a bridge. For such a "small" guy, he looks like he is carrying some heavy weight. Maybe the new coach will make him smile.
Scandal Potential: 4 (he looks pretty tortured for someone about to make more than the GDP of many small countries - I feel some self-directed abuse possibility)
Beyond the NFL: Rehab or anonymity

(15) Jason Pierre-Paul (South Florida, now Giant's defensive end)
I admit, I wanted Dez Bryant for my Giants - since Plexaco shot himself in the leg, they have been missing a solid wide receiver. His agent was twined around him like an albatross - probably making sure he didn't lose any change out of his pockets in case of backflip. No matter - I hope his antics infuse the team with some enthusiasm.
Scandal Potential: 3.5 (I am getting an Chad Johnson, opps, I mean, Chad Eight-Five vibe)
Beyond the NFL: TV whore - this is a guy who is going to get paid

(24) Dez Bryant (Oklahoma State, now Cowboy's wide receiver)
So, this is who Jerry want to carry on the jersey! I had a near heart attack moment when I missed the Patriot's trade up to the Cowboys and thought he was going to New England. Phew. I wonder how this kid is going to get on with Romo. The guy is already fringe trouble - just because he was suspended for a stupid rule does not change he was suspended. And the Cowboys are hardly the outfit to get a guy to straighten up and fly right . . . but they are pretty good at keeping people from getting caught.
Scandal Potential: 4 (media and ego)
Beyond the NFL: He will be the one to make Skip Bayless stroke out

(25) Tim Tebow (Florida, now Bronco's QB)
I get that the NFL is not college and that you can be a stud in one and a flop in the other. If the fans are bummed because they think McCoy or Clausen or a non-QB pick would have made more sense, that's rational. What I do not get is the battery of nasty comments - things like he is going to get the Broncos to change their mascot to a fetus and the mission trips are just an excuse to molest little Filipino boys. And seriously, insinuating a conspiricy when all of his crew had Broncos hats? His agent, knowing everyone predicted he would not be a first round pick, even said he knew almost certainly where Tebow would be drafted. I am not sure when being a humble, chaste, family oriented, humanitarian became so scandalous, but it seems to make him grateful for the opportunity to work hard and fix his deficiencies. He seems like a kid who practices what he preaches and I think he will get a ring in the next 7 years. The more people whine, insult, accuse, and pick the guy apart the more I am rooting for him.
Scandal Potential: 1 (crying for anything other than a superbowl win won't fly in the NFL)
Beyond the NFL: He will continue to spend his time and money on philanthropy, marry a hot veterinarian or pediatrician type, and make it to the US Senate by the time he is 40.

Naturally there was much more to talk about than these few players, not just who was drafted, but who was passed over in the first round. Since I have a mini-marathon to run tomorrow, I will have to bow out of most of round two. But stay tuned - more snap judgements and unprofessional opinions to follow!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Prime Time Draft: Pre-Post

I am not sure if I am more excited to see the first round picks or to have wings at BW3, but either way, I am looking forward to tonight's festivities. Some of my favorite QBs, Tebow and LeFevour, are probably not going to go in the first round. My nemesis, McCoy, will probably be the second QB to get drafted behind Bradford, whom I have no particular feelings about but would think it pretty cool if he "made it," despite being out an entire season.

I am sort of on pins and needles to see if there is going to be a change in draft order if the Steelers decide to do a last minute trade with Roethlisberger. I am also interested to see if the Redskins decide to sign TO and how that may alter their picks. And just which NFL hopeful does Jerry Jones think will be his next miracle . . . or jersey salesman?

Tonight is going to be a good night!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Combine and Trade Talk

I felt vaguely uncomfortable watching the Combine and the post-day commentary.

While I understand how all of these tests translate to football, it also seems like you could be spectacular at all of these exercises but not so great on the field and vica versa. After watching the olympics where you can tell how much it matters, I am not sure how a couple tenths of a second slower than the fastest guy is really that major of a down check.

With all of the running, jumping, and agility testing they put these guys through, I was waiting to see if someone was going to come around and feel their gums like a camel at market. It is like thoroughbreds being worked out before being put up for auction. Granted, the payoff can be 8-figures, a future spot on dancing with the stars and their own brand of vodka, but it is still a slightly dehumanizing display.

The trade talk is also in full force. When they discussed how one player would be a good bargain for the money at 32 and another at 34 was not going to have the same play in him that he has had in seasons past, I was reminded of the yearly Humane Society promotion where every animal over 3 years old has their adoption fee waived.

I realize the phrase "human trafficking" is an exaggeration, but these guys are little more than stock trades and show ponies. I find myself a little more sympathetic to the strike talk from the players union after the past couple of days.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Life in the Off-Season

I have finally accepted the Colts lost (I admit, deservedly) and that, like Farve, Manming is getting his legacy bashed. I wanted to reach through the TV and throttle Skip Bayless when he said even if Manning won the game, he still had a long way to go if he wanted to match Tom Brady. Arrrg.

Commercials were really weak this year. My two favorites were the Doritos bark collar and the 2020 Farve MVP. The best thing about the halftime show was the lighting, but it was nice that The Who was able to keep in tune and the guitarist did not tork his shoulder with all of the whamming he did on it.

Now that New Orleans got the win "the city really needed," hopefully this will be the end of the pity party for the city. Let's see how long it takes for the commentators to start going on about the teams who haven't won the big game yet. I think the Lions and the Browns look a lot worse for not having played in comparison to the Jaguars and especially the Texans!

This week I watched an awesome show on Tru TV - NFL Full Contact. If you have not seen it, it is partially about the game, but moistly what goes into producing, shooting, and commentating on the game. As a former theater techie, I had some serious flashbacks (and remembered pretty quickly why I got out of stage management) watching the clinical narcissism and overreaction to every little thing. It is great TV!

Over the next few weeks, it looks like Vick, McNabb, TO, and Farve will be part of the big buzz, but really I am waiting to see what happens with Tebow, McCoy, and LeFevour in the draft.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Vikings vs Saints

Vikings: The "Pant's on the Ground" locker-room rendition last week was a wonderful end to a great game. A lot of people are accusing the Vikings of thugishly running up the score. I don't see the problem. The hare should underestimate the tortoise. They may have the best defense in the league, but the Saint have the better offense.

Saints: Brees said this week that the 13-0 team were going to show up, not the 0-3 team. The home field advantage is going to be as important of a factor this week as it was last week for the Vikings. More importantly, Farve is overdue for an interception.

It is with a heavy heart that I must predict the Saints to win this one.

I don't dislike the Saints and would love to see them crush the Jets if they face-off in the Super Bowl.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Pre-Cognition: The Jets Win the Super Bowl

It doesn't matter who they play, I think they have it sealed up. They beat the Colts once, and I think they can do it again. No matter who wins out of the Vikings vs Saints game, the writing is on the wall. The defense rocks.

Good for Mark Sanchez, I guess. Seems to be a trend to have rookie QBs go all the way this past decade. The only bummer is I am going to have to listen to Greenie go on about it until next playoff season. He did say he would take 5 years of nothing in exchange for one Super Bowl, so we will see is that is true.

Jets vs Chargers

So the Jets did great last week. Bully for them. Can the coach shut up now?

Jets: I stand by my comments from last week. I think the Jets have faith in their own hype which is being escalated by Rex Ryan, at least in the news conferences I have seen. It is going to take more than belief in your superiority to come after San Diego.

Chargers: I guess at this point I think rest is key. At the beginning of the season Mike and Mike had them going to the super-bowl against the Eagles and I had no idea why. After looking at their record, now I get it, sort of.

My Pick: Chargers (I really don't feel one way or another about it though)

THe best part about this game is watching it at BW3s and chowing on some wings!

Cowboys vs Vikings

Or as so many of the commentators pronounce it, Kaboys.

Well, this is the game where Romo proves himself one way or another. Will the roaring crowds get to him? Will Adrian Peterson sack him more than 3 times? Will he hurt his pinky finger again? Or is this the game where he demonstrates all the praise he has been getting lately is fully justified proving you don't have to be a first round draft pick to be a champion?

And speaking of late in the draft, this is also the game where Brett Farve can stick to all of the commentators who think he should have retired 2 years ago as a Packer. Of course he could also show himself to be a wishy-washy old man much to the delight of most of the commentators out there who wish they could have played into their mid 30s let alone 40s. It all happens in a couple of hours and I will probably cower in a corner afraid to watch.

Cowboys: They have had an awesome run the past few weeks, but demolishing the same team twice after the Eagles had obviously given up is not great practice against a well rested Vikings team. They did beat the Saints at home and broke their winning streak after coming off 2 losses to the Giants (yeah!) and San Diego (smaller yeah). But is the fervor of a winning streak or loosing streak the fire that fuels their wins?

Vikings: Home field advantage could be the big tipper here since it seems Vikings fans have truly embraced Farve. They came off some late season losses and are hungry for the Superbowl. I also think the rest will help them out more than continuous play. A lot of the talking heads say the lack of training camp when Farve walked on the team is starting to show - maybe. But maybe not wasting it all in the beginning is what has gotten him this far.

My Pick: Vikings (and yes, this is an emotional and hopeful pick!)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Colts vs Ravens

My mother really wanted me to marry Peyton Manning . . . . before Fred came along, of course! Living in proximity has made me a fan and it is one of the few pro-teams I have seen play live (in the 90s in the old-old domed stadium).

Colts: Has Manning cooled off since what, by all rights, should have been a 16-0 season going into the playoffs? Not sure, but of all the teams who have a week off, this is the one that I think is most vulnerable. They have had a lot of come from behind wins this season, but they cannot risk that 2 minute warning save this week.

Ravens: Ahh, my saviors last week. And what a lead right off the bat! They have proven they can win against a big team in their own house and score big leads in the first quarter. They have a lot of fire and a lot of confidence right now, and it could carry them or kill them.

My pick: Colts (maybe a little fandom influence)

Cardinals vs Saints

Of all the games this weekend, this is the one I am the least nervous about because I will feel the same no matter who wins.

Cardinals: Unless they win the Superbowl, I predict this is not Kurt Warner's last season. Last week, despite winning in a nail-biter overtime after allowing the Pack to continually catch-up after a substantial lead, I thought they showed themselves much stronger than the talking heads had them. Especially after two of talking heads were wearing silly hats today (aheem, Mike and Mike). This season, they have done better away than at home, and the Saints have quite the whooping crowd of fans.

Saints: Well who doesn't feel good after a week off, right? But who doesn't feel bad after being so close to an undefeated season only to blow it, big time? I get the feel the boys are going to get it back together for this game and give a good fight. And Brees had better show us something or else he is going to be pegged as a QB who looks good in dress rehearsal but wets his pants when the curtain goes up.

My Pick: Saints

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Wildcard Week in Review

I am zero and four.

Of the four games, I only watched about 3 quarters total but listened to 2 hours of pre and post game commentary.

Cowboys vs. Eagles: Tony Romo does not have a career in announcing or commentating after life on the field. During a psych assessment, we have do describe affect and his was FLAT. You would think for a the first playoff win since 1996 there would be some emotional expression but he kept repeating himself and stuttering in a drone tone. The game was not even a game.

Bengals vs. Jets: Well, bummer. Another dull game that I thought would be a bit more rough and tumble.

Patriots vs. Ravens: There is still a warm spot in my belly after this blowout. We were on our way to brunch when the game started and by the time we got there, the Ravens had scored 2 touchdowns, and a table of people by the bar were holding there ears and yelling at us "we are taping the game nananananananananana." Phft. Probably Pat fans. And thus the demise of a 21 year record of winning playoff games at home.

Cardnals vs. Packers: Fred said this would be the most interesting game of the weekend and he was right. I was really happy for Warner, especially if this turns out to be his last NFL year. I think this will probably be the last year Greenbay is not considered a top contender after the near comeback.

This coming week is when all of the good stuff happens and hopefully I will call at least one game correctly.

Patriots vs Ravens

My dislike of Tom Brady knows no bounds. The fact he was off an entire season and the talking heads just assumed he would waltz back on the team and win a 5th Super Bowl ring annoys me to no end. And Bill Belichick - not since Jimmy Johnson at Miami (you can't spell scum without "UM") or Dallas have I disliked a coach more. How in the world can everyone know you are a cheater and it be okay to the point where the NFL just destroys the evidence? The guy is heralded as this wonderful coach who studies and solicits improvements from other teams he admires and, other than that one bad call earlier this season (I forget which game, something to do with a 3rd and 4 or something), he is still considered a stand-up coach.

Arrrrgggg - my blood pressure!

I can't name a single player from the Ravens, but what I do know is they were beat by the Patriots earlier this season and the Patriots just don't loose at home in the post-season.

Nail in the coffin.

My pick: Patriots (#?@!?$%^@(&@$*@^^@%!^@ and ^$*!^!@?!#%)

Ketchup vs Mustard

Well, that is what my niece called the Greenbay vs Cardinals game last week.

Many of the commentators say Aaron Rodgers is one of best QBs in the league right now. I don't get it, largely because my elementary understanding of football begins and ends with who got to the playoffs and the Super Bowl most recently. I get that it takes a team to win a championship, I just am not sure what makes a good QB aside from getting the ball to a receiver and not allowing interceptions. This is a large part of what makes me a football fraud - I am listening to commentators instead of watching the game.

So far all of the teams who got crushed last week are getting crushed this week, which leads me to believe Greenbay wins this week. However, one of the reasons the Cardinals got stomped was because they pulled Kurt Warner, one of my favorite QBs, out early. They have not had the best record at home this season though, so I don't consider it an advantage. I really wanted them to win the Super Bowl last year and I will root for them today as well. If Greenbay wins it means a potential 3rd game this season with the Vikings - yawn. I do like Brett Farve (what can I say, I like guys in the 40s - less than a decade to go Fred!) and would rater see the too "oldies" battle it out than have another grudge match that has to be wearing a little thin for Rodgers.

My Pick: Greenbay (but GoOoOoO KETCHUP!!!).

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Bengals vs Jets

By all rights I should be a Jets fan since I grew up in Schenectady, NY, but I have always been apathetic. Even though we live in Louisville and Cincinnati is the closest NFL team, I am equally ho-hum. Given that both Mark Sanchez and Chad JOHNSON (do I really need to call him Eight Five?) are on my every growing do-not-like list, this is, like the Cowboys-Eagles match, a don't care wild-card game.

Jets: How do you spell inconsistency? I spell it S-A-N, well, you get my point. Despite last week's win, I don't think this team has the juice to go all the way, no matter how pretty the QB is. They should not pat themselves too hard on the back for breaking the Colts undefeated record since the loss was planned. Nothing in their win record is particularly impressive unless you count the one against the Patriots in the beginning of the season before Brady got his mojo back.

Bengals: These guys have had a lot of tragedy this year and have somehow managed to become real threats. Sure, they got shut out last week, but Carson Palmer is back (okay, I had to look that up, but I only did it after I made my pick) and I think the boys are ready to rock their home field advantage. Eight Five has been a bit less obnoxious over the past few games, so I am even willing to be excited if they win.

My Pick: Bengals, well fought, but not down-to-the-wire close

Eagles vs Cowboys

Let's be clear on this - I don't care.

As W.C Fields says - I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

Since I am a Giants fan, I want both of these teams to loose. I cannot have my way so I have to root for someone. During the game last week, I was rooting for Dallas solely so the Vikings would have a bye week as the #2 seed ("look maw, I learn'ed me something!").

Eagles: On New Year's Eve I predicted Donovan McNabb would win MVP of the super bowl. After last week's crushing defeat by Dallas, I am not sure how likely that is they will even get to the divisional playoff game, but I do know a man playing out the end of his contract has a lot to play for. I also know in August, a lot of commentators were predicting it would be an Eagles/Patriots or Eagles/Chargers super bowl, and I just love it when those guys have to eat crow.

Dallas: The December curse seems to be over and they have to be riding high on defeating the Eagles, Redskins and New Orleans. Let's not mistake this week for a repeat of last week, however. Overconfidence may play a huge factor in this game and, fancy new stadium or not, they have been walloped in their own house more than once this season. And can you really beat a team 3 times in a row that othet the Raiders or the Lions.

Is it me, or did Tony Romo man-up and become more likable after his relationship with Jessica Simpson was over?

My Prediction: I started to say Dallas but the word got stuck in my throat. I call Eagles, but not by much. I think they are going to rally and get it together and possibly cause an injury.

But as I said - this week I don't care. Next week, I care.

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Perky Butt and Double Love-Handles

My husband never lets me down, In true man form, I asked him if I could ask him a football question and he burst out laughing before I could even get to the question. I wanted to know whom the officials worked for. 2 breathes and 6 tears later, he manages to pull himself together and says “the NFL.”

Duh. What I meant was, do they always work with a particular team or area of the country or stadium or division? Eventually, he provided me with following answer:

College referees stay in their conference (Big 10, Big East, SEC, etc).
Professional referees work wherever they are needed throughout the NFL.

Thank you.

After a brief discussion about special teams, time outs, and Dan LaFever (seriously, how is this guy not going to be a star someday), he pretty much startles the cats and dog out of the room with his continuous laughter and I told him I was going to beat him in predictions next year. He countered that the only thing I would base picks off of was perky butts. I said there was probably some justification for that since you can’t have a perky butt without having powerhouse thighs. He said “what are you going to do about linemen.” I replied “more love handles, less impact?”

The laughter continued.

This is all in good fun, of course. He plans to participate in a high school reunion football game in October and it would look better if I could yell at the ref “what are you, blind – that was pass interference” and knew what pass interferences was. Isn’t pass interference just an interception gone wrong?

Stop laughing, Fred.

As for last night's BSC championship game, I came in during the second half. It was boring until the "freshman quarterback" got into his groove and kept Texas from getting smashed. I did think it was hilarious that one of the announces said McElroy had not lost a game he started since 8th grade and at that moment the camera caught him picking his nose. Mark Ingram was also pretty amazing to watch when he came back in the game - I think he is going to have problems with that hamstring for a while though. I was glad Alabama won, but doubt it would have happened if Colt McCoy had not been injured. And frankly, I don't care. College football is not nearly as interesting as pro, and this weekend looks to be exciting. I have not figured out my picks yet, but they will be forthcoming.

And I will not base them on butts and love-handles.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Football Fraud

I call myself a fan, but the truth is, I am a football fraud. I grew up listening to my mother both curse and glorify Phil Simms, my grandfather yelling “it’s fixed!” and John Madden announcing in the background while I caught up on homework. One would think I would have learned something other than the Giants are the blue team and a ref holding his hands up means “it’s good”, but the fact is, I am a football fraud.

I listen to Mike and Mike in the morning, my car stereo has been tuned into sports talk radio for the past two years, I watch Outside the Lines and Sports Center, and hear my husband agonize over his fantasy line up. I can talk the talk, except I don’t really know what I am talking about. When it comes to understanding what special teams are, the difference between a linebacker and a defensive linemen, calculating downs and where they are without the newfangled line they superimpose on the TV, or just about anything else other than how to score or interceptions and fumbles, I am a sorry fan.

I have decided it is time to rectify the situation.

I have to preface the following with a big “my husband is wonderful in every way,” however like nearly every other man I know, he derives an indecent amount of pleasure when I ask a stupid question about a penalty or why the officials sent a team back 15 yards. And like nearly every man I know, he won’t give a straight answer. At Labor Day party this past summer, the men cackled when any of the women offered observations or asked questions about elements of the game, but provided no explanations. I remarked that if they had a question about “women things” like makeup, periods, or fashion we would offer to explain in depth . . . then it occurred to me that men never ask these questions in the first place. It also occurred to me that maybe they like laughing at our ignorance to have one up on us, or maybe they have no idea themselves but hide under the mantra “I watch, therefore I know.” Well I am tired of having football knowledge lorded over me as if I am some little lady that is a bit too slow on the uptake to understand what the men are on about.

Of course there are plenty of women who do know the game well and perhaps grew up on a male relative’s knee learning the game. But football has no collegiate counterpart for women sports like basketball, soccer, field hockey or softball. It is the one area we can talk about, but can’t really experience because there is no football for women. Women are tolerated as announcers on the sidelines, but not in the commentator boxes and defiantly not as experts in the documentaries or weekly summary shows. And I must admit, though I am sure women like Reshia Candidate are knowledgeable sports professionals, most women would probably agree female football commentators and analysts seem out of place. I can’t help but feel they are tools so ESPN can deny gender bias while not actually giving her anything important.

On the eve of the BCS (right?) championship bowl, I am going to make my official first pick: Texas beats Alabama.

Why: The Heisman trophy winner was the sophomore from Alabama and you could see the trying-to-be-magnanimous-but-feeling-gypped look on Colt McCoy’s face. He has a vendetta not to mention an upcoming draft and the boy wants to prove himself in a way that I think will rock Alabama’s defense. Most of the commentators are picking Alabama, which usually means the underdog will be even more inspired to crush the hype.

I also personally can’t stand Colt McCoy. I have no reason for this. The guy is a poster child of Christian do-gooding and I sure is a lovely individual – there are just some quarterbacks I instantly dislike and he is one of them (for the record, the others are, in order of loathing: Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Mark Sanchez and Ben Rothlesburder. John Elway was number one for the 20th century). This really has nothing to do with my pick, I just thought I would mention it.